The first five years I worked at Jack in the Box, the restaurant was franchised to a man named Dennis Earls and his wife, Lisa.  Dennis and Lisa were Certified Public Accountants; I learned a great deal from them. One of the trivia-type lessons I learned from Dennis is that a mistake in which someone transposes a set of numbers will always result in an “error number” that is divisible by 9.

     Dennis visited the restaurants that he owned more often than Lisa.  He was a good and decent man, and a lot of fun to be around.  As he assisted us working the grill station, which he did often, he would sing (in his very loud voice) “I found my thrill, on the Jack in the Box grill” (sung to the tune of Blueberry Hill by Fats Domino).  Would always bring a smile; those of use who worked for Dennis still mention this, almost 20 years later.

    Late one March, I decided that I was going to pull a funny prank on Dennis for April Fool’s Day, one of my favorite “holidays”.  I obtained a cassette taped recording of “American Fast Food” by Randy Stonehill and sent it to Dennis.  Not sure if the prank was appreciated much, but had I been able to foresee what would happen in coming years, I might not have played the prank at all, due to some of the lyrics:

    AMERICAN FAST FOOD

Words and Music by Randy Stonehill



American fast food, what a stupid way to die

American fast food, order me the jumbo fries

Oh, oh, it's easy

It's so easy and it's trouble free

It's quick and disposable, just like me

If I don't stop eating this greasy American fast food



Well, we're undernourished, but we're overfed

And we're munching on the burger with the whitebread

And we're sucking up the sugar in a milkshake

Till we slip into depression with a big headache

And our arteries are crying out, "give us a break"



American fast food, what a stupid way to die

American fast food, you kiss your old age goodbye

Oh, oh, it's easy

It's so easy and it's trouble free

It's quick and disposable, just like me

If I don't stop eating this greasy American fast food



You won't have to embalm me when my life is through

There are so many preservatives in what I eat

The job's being done right now for you



"Can I take you order, please?"

"A cheeseburger, fries, and a big chocolate float."



It's prefab junk at an exorbitant price

And it's bound to make you nauseous if you look at it twice

But they're selling you by telling you it's food that's fun

When it tastes like cardboard

It chews like sponge

'cause it's really only garbage on a sesame bun



American fast food, what a stupid way to die

American fast food, order me the chili-size

Oh, oh, it's easy

It's so easy and it's trouble free

It's quick and disposable, just like me

If I don't stop eating this greasy American

I don't stop eating this greasy American fast food.

The video of the song can be found on YouTube.

Click here to see the video.

A couple years down the road, people actually did die from eating American Fast Food.  At Jack in the Box.